My Inner Valley Girl: The Hills

OMG Heidi!!!! Like hello! Is anyone up there? I think we all know the answer to that one thank you very much. Like I dug Spence right away but then like I was so in Lauren’s court when he was all like “I love you Heidi but I run around with other women because you don’t live with me yet and somehow I drive a BMW 6 series when I look like 25 and no ones ever asked me what I do for a job but we all know MTV funds me.” I mean Lauren, you go girl! You’ve got Team Heidi Spirit unlike you SPENCE, you’re like so not on “Team Heidi”. That was like so serious, like you can’t just say “I’m on Team Heidi” and expect that to make your relationship last. Like Kaiser, my last b/f, was like I’m on “Team Sally” and at first I was like “Oh, how sweet” and then he did this and that and them and her and him and it and I was like, in a Queen Latifah attitude, “Oh, no you did not!O-K!”. So like Spence last night gives Heid an ultramagnum and says she need to either live in his house or like go effe herself. And all along I’m thinking, like ‘No, Heid, Spence is evil. Like he has that diabolical evil grin and laugh like he wants to punch you in the uterus. Like we can see what kind of guy he is and like MTV so made his character up to add a key plot element which is sooo needed in The Hills or else there’d be nooooo show. Cuz like Simon Cowell on American Idol is so bad but if he wasn’t on there every contestant and their mom would be in the finals and who’d want to see Paula get her Abdula on?’ And we’re all on the edge of our seats waiting. I bet that Heid was so gonna like go stay with him because of the riff her and her bff Lauren were having. Like I still don’t get that, like did Heid pour douche in her tea or something? But then like the most unexpected thing happens and Heid is in Spence’s car and she’s like, “No Spence, I am an independent woman and like I don’t wear make up all 24 hours of the day and like you shouldn’t make me choose between you and my best friend even though I hate her guts cuz she’s not prettier than me. I love love love you but you aren’t fair. It’s like I am Russell Crowe and you’re that Phoenix guy who’s a vicious ruler that is pitting me in a battle coliseum style with some African slave guys, Lauren, with torches and blades and muscles and motivation to like kick my ass. Like no. We can love each other without living together, it’s waaay to soon and like I don’t know like you’re pushy and like no!” I was totally off the couch like “Shaaazam!” (Sorry Will Ferrell off of the “Blades of Glory” trailer). And then, and then Spence was like “Get outta my car” and sped away. It was so quick that I had to rewind it on my TiVo. It felt too scripted for me MTV. But in your face Spence and in your face Heid for ever trusting a guy like that so much and thinking anyone would mistake your okay looks for more than they are, cuz like you’re so like the bone and run type of chick, trust me Heid, I should know, I’m like that too. :( … Yeah right! :)