New Craze Hits the Nation

In lieu of the recent best seller, Tuscan Hummus, California Pizza Kitchen (CPK) has decided to double your tasting pleasures – a round of applause for Shanghai Hummus! It doesn’t get much better than this folks. Where else on Earth are going to be able to taste such revolutionary fusions? That’s right, Corporate America.
John D. Whoresburgh, a marketing exec for CPK, rubbed elbows with us at a recent unveiling of Shanghai Hummus. Whoresburgh waffled, “The China man had hidden his society for so long that when realized it truly was foreign and ancient. Hummus, whose origins trace back to Adam and Eve’s time, was traded for sexual acts. The person receiving the hummus would be able to eat it only after slathering it over the other’s body and licking it off. Although, here at CPK, we wont be doing any of that stuff – at least not in public. That reminds me, Miranda, where’s my Shanghai Hummus! Anyways, while she finds it, conjoining such opposites spontaneously created a flavor unknown to one’s palette. We get to taste the secret China man’s society along with revealing hummus’ past truths. See Tuscan Hummus was too modern. We needed a throwback, something more exotic, mysterious to the average, classless suburbanites devoid of culture so much they need to learn it through corporate entities. So it was like, ‘I know what Romans are! I like I-Talian food! I love Franky Sinatara and so on.’ Our customers depend on us for history lessons as well as great food combos. I mean where else can you get Mao and Osama in one sitting!”
After hearing such an elaborate product welcoming, I could not hold back on trying Shanghai Hummus. I admit Tuscan Hummus was too yesterday! Romans started civilization and all so I need to move on. It was just tomato sauce and regular hummus anyways. I was in for a reawakening, nirvana through a corporate foundation. I would find my true self with this dastardly clever gimmick, Shanghai Hummus. Mmm, a delight, a bowl of hummus laden with MSG and topped with chow-mien! Chinese meets Arabia INDEED! I could rejoice and regale to friends of my travels. I was in an enchanted land. First I was in a pink-skied Arabian night with belly dancers feeding me grape-leaves and baklava, watching The Troops defend our oil and feeling sorry for those ninja suited women. With the next bite, I was flown on a magic carpet to the Far East. Marco Polo was my guide. Those small people were so cute, but they all looked the alike, weird? I chewed and I felt as if Mao and the Cultural Revolution were breathing down my neck. I swallowed and my eyes opened. Ah, the delightful trip through time and space. I felt trapped, but I am here in America, where I can take a bite of Shanghai Hummus and make assumptions, yet never give a shit about them ever again.

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CPK and Corporate America We Always Try Our BestCPK Try our new cultural delight: Shanghai Hummus - it is Heaven. One minute you’re learning and translating take-out Chinese 101 and the next minute you drive away in your oiled death car knowing even less about anyone or any culture.