Memo to Cassie

Get a new dance move please. The Cassie move? Throw your arms out in front of you. Bring them back in and place your hands at your hips. Then squawk like a chicken. I’ve already allowed you a listen because you look good, but from now on you will need to learn a new dance move. That one pose strut/gyration of your hip does not satisfy me. It’s as if you can only move if one applies a defibulator to your flap jacks. Long Way 2 Go was supposed to be something new, but no, it’s much more of the same Cassie. Where’s the choreography? All you do is pump your body from back to front. Ah and those jeans! You look like you’re a 29 year old mom of two circa the early ‘90s. Short, skimpy apparel means one thing: you’re compensating for your lack of looks, er, and talent. If I can see your pussy hairs, that aint hot. I mean look at Ciara, she looks good and her singing is okay, but she at least has seizures around the dance floor. Let’s not mention that your first video, Me&You, was lame. Can someone say low budget? And you’re backed by Diddy? Butt raping has already occurred. The Me&You video seems like a training spar from Tekken – you robotic whore. And why do you remind me of a boyish girl? I don’t need you to aimlessly twerking it or droping it and shake, I mean Beyonce’s dancing is nervous breakdown waiting to happen nowadays (and oh yeah, please don’t pussy pop again, you’re opening of your crotch is as pleasant to the eye of a herpes sore one a vagina). If you’re a woman in the music industry and you don’t have good music, you better be able 2 dance. Cassie can’t. It’s quite a shame, I know. What also hurts her besides her stagnant dance routines is that she’s just cute, not fine. You’ve got no body, hips or t&a, so why should I stare at you? Besides your DSL’s, your face is missing something. That Filipino-black shit aint gonna take you that far! Move a little better to the beat Cassie and I’ll stop ranting about your unpracticed, unkempt prances.

Cassie - Long Way to Go