Steve Lyons on Steroids

Steve Lyons, a former MLB player and a recently fired FOX baseball commentator, has decided to tour the country with his stand up comedy routine. Lyons was giddy at his new career, “Yeah, it’s like a dream come true. This is a new career and a chance for me to show what the FOX viewers missed. Regardless of how you feel about me, my jokes are out there and hell, I’m funny.” Lyons was let go after the weekend’s Mets v. Cardinals series when he made a racial comment towards former player and coach, Lou Pinella. Pinellla of Hispanic descent, didn’t appreciate the comment. Lyons had insisted Pinella had taken his wallet because of Pinella’s “nature”.
“Me love you long time!” refers to his tours name and it has already upset MLB’s Asian players. “C’mon. I love baseball long time. I’m not racist! Let me talk to Kim and those Koreans will put clamp on it!” The early reviews state Lyons as “racy”, “ballsy” and “flat out, unfunny”. Lyons fends off the early feelers as “people out to get me” and “jumping the gun”. “Let me tell you this”, Lyons began, “if A-Rod was a Mexican he wouldn’t be in the predicament he’s in now. Cliff Floyd in left field? I could pick cotton better than he picks up sliders from flame throwing lefties! Pujols been eating too many tamales. Darren Oliver is to Tom Glavine as Danny Glover is to Mel Gibson. Frank Thomas is going to be in jail if he can’t get from 1st to 3rd on a double. The police are going to raid his house stash house for steroids and he’ll barely get over the fence! What would Arabs do to Shawn Green? Nothing, he’s not a Jew!”