Dear Consequence,

Regarding your proposal, I would like to take you up on your offer. Eight thousand copies in the first week? I am sorry to hear that. But a promise is a promise. I would like a refund even though I didn’t buy the album. I don’t know, maybe you could give me my time back? “Callin Me” was horrendous. “Good, Bad and the Ugly” was like 4 years old. The rest of the album sounded old, like you wrote it to be released in 2002 or something. Maybe this isn’t your problem but Don’t Quit Your Day Job sounds like a Kanye album. Either Kanye’s jocking or you are. I’ll cut you slack because he doesn’t keep you around for nothing. My 60 MB of hard drive space would be a start or my ears or just re-write your album—update it. Um, knowing your style though, that I like sometimes as well as feeling disgusted others, you may just want to retire to a new improved hustle? But what would be most desired is that you keep your day job, whatever that is. Just make sure it isn’t rap.