The Apprentice: Dictator

FOX will put a new spin on Donald Trump’s hit show The Apprentice with The Apprentice: Dictator. For the show, executive producers Bill Todd and Hank Chips visited some of the most despicable tyrants in the world to see if the project was feasible, as Todd puts it, “It’s an ingenious idea but it goes against some of our principles. We’ll be upholding third world terroristy regimes—but hey, it can… no it will be a great success! First we thought ‘man wouldn’t it be great if Saddam and the whole Iraq thing didn’t happen? Kurds would have been shitting in their burkhas while the rest of the world would be laughing hysterically. Realistically we narrowed the candidates in order of oppressiveness and popularity—who know Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe?—and the dictator’s ability to improvise, meaning his willingness to take part and train a worthy one to rule with an iron fist after his death. Castro was our man but he decided to get sick on us. It’s like now we have to apologize to South Florida for getting their hopes up. They are so proud of him. But man, all the good ones are dying—Democracy is taking over. Shame for that, so many people are missing out… But there is this great quasi form of Democracy going on out there. We asked Bush even but he has other candidates, “Oh, Bill, I’m fluttered, I mean I really am. But ah, off the record, we got other people we’re looking at. Basically Rove says to me, “Yo Jorge!” that’s our little inside joke “We ah, need to review these latest ones” and I’m like, “Sure. K-Rove, whatever keeps the roof on.” Hence we turned to Mr. Il of North Korea. From what we learned on Matt Stone and Trey Parker’s “Team America” is that Il is extremely funny and brutal. That’s just what we need.”

The show is shooting as we speak and will be ready for the Summer 2007 release on Wednesday nights on FOX. The candidates were mostly South Korean, Chinese or Japanese folks who were looking for an internship at a ruthless venture. Millions tried out but the ones that made it seemed to have more cold heartedness in their veins. Restrictions applied: you had to be clinically insane, have a resume full of victims you’ve slaughtered and aspire to take over the world.

From what we’ve seen so far, it’s the bomb! Early reports are that the crew filming out there has had a blast. “Il is way funnier and hotter than Trump ever wishes,” says PA Lyn Seger. “They’ve got one episode where they go out to the rural gulags and the contestants have to ration the meager amounts of food. So this one guy, Yun-Lee, slaps this 7 year old kid in the face and feeds him dirt and tells him that the Republic of America did it to him and that’s why he has no food. It was funny as hell and sad too at the same moment. But if you crack a smile on set, let’s just say you’re dinner for some people,” commented boom holder Craig Whistler. The front runner? Jin-Xe Wing, a sturdy woman, who pleased Il during one of the “firings” by speaking up and ratting on fellow contestants, “Il! No! We-Li Oin wants to win and dismember you and Lee Ziou Za spread newspaper around city of real news about the starving and the chaos and the nuclear reports!” Il was dumbfounded. Wing then walked over to a guard, pulled out his gun and opened fire on the two the ne’er-do-wells. Plus the final contestants weren’t told but instead of losing and being fired, they lose and get taken out back and shot. Thank You FOX!!!