He's a ghost... JC veers more towards Fatherhood

Me: Who

Him: Jesus. God’s Jesus.

Me: So it’s not Jesus the janitor, Guadalupe’s Jesus.

Him: Well, no. Not exactly.

Me: How do you mean?

Him: Well, apparently Jesus is God’s immaculate son. And God is in all of us; he created us. So Jesus the janitor is very much like you, me, Jesus and God.

Me: Okay, because I’ve heard something along the lines, and I am paraphrasing here, that God knows all. I know for a fact Jesus the janitor knows all. I mean he cleans my room and everyone’s too. I’m sure he doesn’t go through my whites but hey, what Jesus does on his own time while he’s on my computer checking my porn collection but is supposed to be just cleaning is his business.

Him: Yeah, Jesus can be nosey like that. Like he wants to interrupt me whenever I’m doing something wrong. It’s like he’s pointing his broom down at me in a condescending tone.

Me: Refresh me though, about this “God’s Jesus”, I am not all that familiar.

Him: Well, don’t quote me but here’s what I know: this weekend Jesus will rise to Heaven.

Me: Rise? He’s a ghost? Like Casper? Tell me he’s copying Patrick Swayze.

Him: Well, if he did copy Swayze, then JC’s got something coming to him. JC veers more towards Fatherhood, an underappreciated Swayze classic. But it’s Easter this weekend. Let’s see, there’s Good Friday and Resurrection Sunday. I think all the Catholics go crazy. When they put those new rubbers on, all the Cath-licks go crazy, watch the Cath-licks go crazy. Why didn’t Jeezy place that instead of “dope boys”?

Me: You’re straying off topic! God’s Jesus?

Him: Oh, yes. Back to JC. Like his spirit? Yeah, that’s it, his spirit rises and like through him people go to Heaven. Ah, see that’s where it gets fuzzy. I mean that my knowledge of the subject and also the idea that everyone adheres to is blurry.

Me: Oh, okay. I can believe it. I mean a Holy Spirit? I’m digging it, man. You need to preach more often. So then where in the Bible does rabbits and like those Easter eggs come in?

Him: I think in Corinthians if I’m not mistaken. As for the pastel colors most often associated with Easter, I am lost and unsure where the good book says we must use pastels.

Me: So, the pastels are made up?

Him: Now, Harold, don’t jump to conclusions like that. We must work this out.

Me: But I like those pastels.

Him: Well, you’re going to have to let go of them; they’re not real. God didn’t put Jesus in our lives so we could hide Easter eggs with rabbits, wear pastel green church dresses, bake hams and smash little peeps in our mouth from the CVS Easter candy isle.

Me: Have faith in peeps, man!

Him: What would God’s Jesus do if he came back and saw what his brethren were doing, especially after he made such a sacrifice?

Me: He’d probably say the hell with your heretics! And he’d blasphemisouly eat that bunny shaped chocolate filled with a horrible creamy nougat that he’d want to spit out but because people were watching him, and he didn’t want to act rude, he made a face and swallowed it. Then he’d go back to Heaven ticked off and throw up the nougat and condemn that creamy nougat concoction to eternal Hell.