Spurs in 3

As I said Friday, after Game 1 of the NBA Finals, the San Antonio Spurs will only be allowed 3 games to dispose of the weakling Cleveland Cavs. After a 40 point lead at half time, David Stern, whimpering in a public restroom, will meet with officials to discuss the canceling of the series after the Spurs win again. They’ll crown the Spurs champions and release a statement pussy footing their true intentions. The Cavs will think about it for a moment and then realize how much of a blessing this is. They don’t have to be pistol whipped, low blowed by the Spurs anymore and their AAU anemic shooting and team coherence will be put to rest, at least until November. Stern was heard yelling, “The TV shots of James biting his nails and licking his lips in nervous spells has wrecked his image. I mean, I can’t have my superstar scared and sweating balls out there in front of millions; he’s clearly not ready. Oh and pay back Dumars for what’s happened!”

One thing will be made clear: the protection of Lebron James is paramount. He cannot lose a finals; he would then have to one-up MJ and win 7 total finals in a row to please Stern. James is Stern’s meal ticket to even more money and if James’ record is tarnished, even the slightest bit of a dent, Stern believes it’ll kill the NBA’s growing market. Thus Stern will call the fight, er, series in hopes of letting James’ confidence remain at bay—technically James’ record will show that he has not lost a finals, or there will be an asterisk next to the 2007 NBA Finals stating that the Cavs did not receive a fair chance due to unruly Spurs fans.