Dissecting the Pain

On T-Pain's new album Epiphany, the catalyst to my T-Pain week, he's crafted three magical songs. I will further analyze T-Pain's sultry luster so much so that you'll be suffering from T-Painitis. Ouch!

I Got It and Suicide
He starts with an intro track, a phone conversation with one of his girlfriends. She's clearly vexed and hesitant and he's genuinely concerned. After hearing she's not pregnant, T-Pain does a "Whew!" (And we do too--T-Pain spawning isn't a good thing). Then she tells him she has HIV. He is dumbfounded. Through his choice of words, he admits to have not received education past the 5th grade as he struggles to understand the concept. AIDS does kill Faheem. T-Pain holds strong and says he wont give up. Touching.

He screams "The world keeps spinning with or without me and I know that's hard to believe" with so much conviction. He even foresees becoming a running joke with his homies of being the dude who boned a chick without a rubber. Insightful. The impending threat of looking at the dead AIDS stricken woman glosses over him "Now she next to me like la, la, la, la, la...". Then with "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 million ways to leave this whole wide world so cold, stuck on my ass been drinking for days" he unassumingly brings us further past his armor. Even T-Pain goes through this kids. It's not just you who drinks over not using protection and the death of a friend, driving drunk in a Bonneville--I have a Grand Am thank you very much--with kilos, skittles and dro. While T-Pain does not offer any solutions to deal with such grief he reaffirms us: it ain't always easy being stupid.

Yo Stomach
An ode to a peculiar body part, the stomach, T-Pain shoves all previous rational thought out of the window. "Some people like booty (six pack)". Apparently he has nothing else to bust a nut on and nothing else turns him on. But I'm thinking he's a creative lover. He probably stays licking and caressing a woman's stomach. He'll run his fingers up and down her skin, picking out belly button grime and sticking in his mouth to be dirty. Then he'll growl like a tiger. Sexy. What woman doesn't want their stomach sexed? I mean damn, I gotta try this. While most will point the content for "Yo Stomach" lies in T-Pain's sexual inexperience, I point to the fact that he's had so much booty, pussy, titties and thighs that naturally he has to move to the stomach ("whoop, whoop"). In case my theory of T-Pain having too much booty is false, then by all means "Yo Stomach" is the mastermind of a 22 year old lonely man who reads too many sex columns.

Time Machine

"Tebunan, Pedalofogus, from the planer Telegusa… Ilutium-pu-36 explosive space modulator." That's what a future language sounds like. Genius. He was able to conceive a vision for the future but he contradicts it all with his resentment and yearnings for the past. "And everything's great now but back then it was greater". That sums it up. With a bodacious hook of "Back, back, back... in time", T-Pain shares his love for simpler times. Don't we all? Imagine a time when bling, cars and women didn't matter. When he didn't get crazy show money? T-Pain is deep. Money and fame isn't everything. To admit those thoughts shows human emotions. Simpleness is bliss.