Friday, August 24, 2007

Trendsetta

Look in the mirror, at your image. Sprite says it's everything which seemingly fits with how outlets such as National Inquirer tear through the layers of our provincial stars all on image alone; it can make or brake you. T-Pain mightily surrenders all of his attention to certain details. As an R&B artist, one has to connote sex, love and chauvinism. They've got to be compassionate, raunchy and degrading all in the same breathe to show a range of emotions. Their outward expression of these emotions are readily on display. Yet T-Pain is a unique character and strays, and even switches positions frequently on the R&B continuum, from the norm. That's why T-Pain is a Trendsetta. It may not be apparent immediately however you'll start to notice that the Tallahassee Pain is in full effect all around you because image is all T-Pain has to sell.

Overall, when you catch a glimpse of T-Pain, you want to look away. I mean even though you cannot see his darker than usual running mate, Akon, through the shadows, your eyes veer towards searching the video screen for "Where's Akon". "Eye Muffs!" is something you might yelp. He is unshapely, like a turd. His clothing is baggy. He's dreaded up. You can't see his eyes. His face never looks straight ahead; it is always rotating like a bobble head. Chancre sores? Herpes? ADD? He's like your weird cousin whom everybody never talks to because he looks like a dried up cunt rag. And you swear with all his accompaniments that he's hiding something.

He is an every man's R&B artist. Most R&B artists are sexy crazed or respectful. You either get Pretty Ricky's Spectacular (Damn, I know a member of Pretty Ricky!?!) or it's Musiq. What an artist presents musically is naturally how they look. Pretty Ricky can't wait to strip down while Musiq whispers substantive material to moisten women's lips. T-Pain is obviously not respectful (or profound) yet he is not throwing his clothes off and rubbing himself down. He knows his place. He's chubby and unattractive. So he dresses accordingly: baggy clothes, middle of the road designs and outfits that divert attention elsewhere. His common man look in the R&B world is odd and you would think, with his purposeful ugliness, how could he succeed? He succeeds because he strikes a resonating chord. Hardly anyone in the real world is super sexy, foaming from the mouth with love or deranged with the concept of love; it's all a pumped up image and lie. T-Pain skips that step. He doesn't provide a cover-up for his lack of sexiness, he doles out easy, and surprisingly unthinkable, solutions. Act regular. Be yourself. And use what you have.

This dude can't dance. In a time where Usher, Chris Brown and Omarion reign supreme, and are well respected across genders, because of their footwork, T-Pain offers the opposite. He's got this waterfall spread he does in "Shawty"; a wistful ditty in "Bartender"; and a mock impersonation of others in "Buy You a Drink". Usually if you can't dance, you make sure you're not seen acting out. But his unsavory dance skills add to his everyman image. Most of us cannot dance either but with him making a fool of himself, it is easier for us to let loose.

This Rappa Ternt Sanga can't even sing. Hmmm? That voice balancing equipment he uses is kind of funny. Until I'd heard "Stripper", I thought it was a nice touch. Hearing it not stop can get to you and you feel like Roger & Zapp would have had something to say. Nonetheless this no talent hack can't even croon a smooth ass R&B joint... and that's what ladies like: a heartfelt effort. This decal gives other losers a chance in the music industry. With the globalization of Hip Hop, no thanks to MySpace, T-Pain has become successful without the most essential part of being an artist, a voice.

I have yet to see his orange dread tips around but I have a hunch that it'll spread sooner or later. People jump on fads faster than they jump on trampolines (Weezy*!). Dreads rushed back into popularity in the last few years but most keep it simple. T-Pizzle is conveniently equipped for the an orange rush. And something in T-Pain's corner: Orange is by far the worst color imaginable yet can he usher it back "in"?

Sunglasses are always wrapped around his head. And when I think about it I cannot remember a time I have seen his eyes. Every video, interview or television interview... never. Is he scared? Is he perpetually high or drunk? "The eyes are the window to one's soul". I know someone wrote that so is he denying us access into all that is Faheem? I know wearing sunglasses is nothing new in Hip Hop world yet there are few people who never take them off. It's telling of T-Pain's attitude. He's unwilling and doesn't care about presenting another side. We're supposed to take what we get.


Everything about T-Pain is whimsical and devoid of talent. Not to say he's an impressive improvisational talent, because he definitely puts his heart, time and feelings into his work, but he comes across as a party boy character who's able to construct a fun album in a moment's notice. He's a slightly overweight R&B artist, with no skills, who actually sells hits. How does this sentence work? Stop underestimating Teddy Penderassdoun's mischievousness in the streets and the studio. If what T-Pain has done in less than two years in the business isn't Trendsetting... I don't know what is.

8 Comments:

At 8:04 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

JESUS CHRIST!!! GET OFF OF T-PAIN'S DICK..I KNOW HE REAL POPULAR RIGHT NOW BUT DAMN..IS THAT NIGGA UR HERO OR SOMETHING OR DO U JUST THINK HE CUTE YOU FUCKING FAGGOT

 
At 1:13 PM, Blogger The Major said...

It is T-Pain week my dude... it's only right to put him on a pedestal.

Can you not handle the Pain? Is T-Pizzle too much for you?

 
At 1:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

AYO FUCK THAT ANONYMOUS COCKSUCKER....I'LL UNCLE MURDER HIS ASS...AND MAJOR KNOWS WHO THIS IS...FUCK THAT INTERNET GANG BANGING ASS NIGGA!!!!

 
At 4:19 PM, Anonymous mjthedealer said...

Maj my guy... u talkin bout how pain is always sportin shades... look at the vid and the main pick u rockin... dudes eyes r right there.

 
At 5:46 PM, Blogger The Major said...

damnit you right mjthedealer, kind of conflicts w/ my argument. i always f up but you get the drift... thanks for catching my tho.

 
At 9:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gotta love Wiki for putting up his other names...
Teddy Pain, Teddy Penderazdoun, Teddy Verseti, Tallahassee Pain, Tallahassee Hero

 
At 9:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

JUST END THIS BLOG...IMMA BOUT TO SNITCH ON THIS MOTHAFUCKING BLOG, RIAA HERE I COME...NIGGAS BET GET READY

 
At 3:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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