Relaxing with the Pain: T-Pain Interview

For this interview, that I luckily got at the last minute, I had to fib. I got ahold of T-Pain's management team and was able to persuade them I worked for AllHipHop.com. Jason Whitaker is a fake name I used; I had to send them a written transcript just in case. Telling an artist you run a blog doesn't get you call backs or numbers, trust me. It's about time though that I was able to actually conduct one of these things, shit I've been trying for 5 months. Anyway, they granted me an interview a month ago...

Jason Whitaker: What it does! What is cracking my dude!
T-Pain: Ayo, just chillin in my green room.
JW: Cool, cool.
T-Pain: Oooh, it’s Teeee Pain on the celly. (He starts singing in that voice synthesizer)
JW: Yeah, that’s what we like to hear… So how’s the tour going? Where are you now?
T-Pain: It’s fresh. I think we in the Durrty, Durrty. Um… nah we in that Katrina place. We got Bow Wizzle, "Ice Box where my heart" and J-O-C.
JW: No diggity?
T-Pain: No diggity!
JW: What you do on a regular day, before like a show and before prepping?
T-Pain: Well, we just started this Scream thang but I been on the road most of this year so it's nothing to adjust. I don’t wake up until the afternoon. I grab me some tofu—I’m a vegetarian. We on the road so we just on the tour bus all day, every day. Make stops at small towns. Me, Bow Wizzle and my homie A-Wax play a lot of poker... strip poker! Play video games. My ish right now is NCAA Football. I’m taking FAM all the way baby! But once we get to a town we get a hotel for the after party. I drink a lot of Red Bulls to stay in tune. Then me and my voice coach get ready for a little bit.
JW: Okay, okay. Ain’t Ciara on with y’all.
T-Pain: She is? I guess so. I don’t be hanging with her so…

JW: Umm… do you give all interviews with your voice synthesizer?
T-Pain: Huh? Nah playboy, this my real voice.
(Long Pause)
JW: You like it on the road? I imagine that being on the Scream tour... it's like crazy ridiculous?
T-Pain: You could say that. Definitely. So many people be screaming and rushing you in every city. But it's all love my dude. Like, I live for this ish. I would die tomorrow if I didn't make music that made people feel good, real talk. I heal people. I inspire.
JW: Feel that but switching gears, how much has TJ Chapman meant to you over the years?
T-Pain: Everything. I mean I disregard the fact that he’s special. I could say I’m helping him out—have you seen him?—but I’m a humble dude. His momma told me to look after him so I does what a real man does.

JW: Are you high right now?
T-Pain: Nooooo. (Laughs)
(Pause)
T-Pain: Ha! Yeah, I'm a little, just a little.
JW: How you feeling with Epiphany?
T-Pain: Solid. I’m proud of it. I think I can do better, like that hunger for more is in me. I saw a lot of like lukewarm feelings towards it so that was a little unsettling. But I’ve dealt with haters so much in my life that it doesn’t do nothing to me no more.
JW: I don’t think certain people—certain sects—understand you?
T-Pain: That too. But sometimes I’m so deep. It’s like this: as simple as I go in, it’s deep at the same time. People are confused. It’s like they as ask themselves, "Did T-Pain just go hard!"
JW: Are ringtones that crazy? When some thinks T-Pain, all they think is: he’s a Ringtone Rapper.
T-Pain: They can drink Haterade. What have these fools done for me hately? But hate is the new love. So what? You don’t make cheese off of albums anyway. Ringtone’s are crazy. Let me say that that house in Miami… ringtone money. My Yorkshire Terrier … ringtone money. That Fred McGriff rookie card… ringtone money. Them bronzed Lebron's... ringtone money.

JW: I see that. Now when I heard you and Kanye were working together, I was surprised. Because I've see you mostly featured on smaller acts or big remixes. How was it working with Ye and how it happen?
T-Pain: Well, Ye got my number one day and just hit me up. I was at Jack in the Box and I was all excited. I dropped my fries on the floor. Like when you gets a call from Kanye, it don't matter who you is. It's the world! He was like, "T-Pain. T. Pain. Ugh. I just gotta work with you!" And that was that. Working with him is cool. He straight business but he just know what to do in the studio. I had to go in a few extra times to make it just right but I'd love to work with him again.
JW: With that, are there are any other odd collabos we wouldn't expect from T-Pain?
T-Pain: Yeah, you know I'm on my grind. Lotta stuff usually be speculative so nothing ever really works out. Steven Tyler just called the other day but that's all I can say about that. I can divulge that me and Britney, that badd (he extended it so...) chick, are planning something real soon for her new album.
JW: Now that's what it is... Speaking about new material, and I know you just released your album, but are you working on anything for the near future... even 08?
T-Pain: Good you wanted to know. For Epiphany I basically recorded like 3 albums worth. I got songs in the bank, shawty what you thank! But yeah once I'm through with touring I'll be beginning the process for the next album. Since I do all my own writing and production, it takes some calm and quiet. An artist needs his time! But I got ideas.
JW: And? You can't just say you got ideas and leave me hanging.
T-Pain: Yes I can... But alright. I was thinking like my theme for my next project will be like a wrestling match-ish thing about personal struggle. I mean, I know I'm only 22 but I been through some ish. So far it's this: Teddy Verseti and Teddy Penderassdoun vs Tallahassee Pain and Tallahasee Hero. It's a throwback to those WWF tag team match-ups. Them was the best things. And I've already done some work a few weeks ago in the studio and I got this anthem track called "Brother". I'll be trying to get that girl Brooke Hogan and her daddy, you might know him. So we'll see.
JW: Anything else in store for your burgeoning career?
T-Pain: I got a T-Pain doll coming too. It's only suitable for people with an IQ under 100.
JW: (Laughs) Are you serious? (I dropped my phone too.)
T-Pain: Um, yeah dawg. I don't take that ish lightly. It's not funny to make fun of these people. Like, taking care of TJ, it really humbled me. But these dolls will be a teaching tool for extra curricular activities for Special-Ed classes around all U.S. schools. It's a fun doll that gets special kids into music. There's extra work books and all that. You know these kids need diversions too. We miss that sometimes.
JW: Damn. I guess I gotta give it to you Faheem. You are doing your thing.
T-Pain: It's T-Pain!
JW: Could you explain the Ray J controversy?
T-Pain: I’m not gay. I seen it, you seen it; he’s big. He’s a beast! C’mon now, don’t act like you wouldn’t want what Brandy’s little brother got. All I said was that and that I was fatter. I think fatter is turn on myself though don't you?

JW: You claim that you do everything yourself. But clearly, with one listen, Epiphany is filled with stolen rhythms or you take a tested song, strip it and build it back up. "Tallahassee Pain" is a rip from "California Love", and "Buy You a Drink" is a mash-up of all these club songs from the last year?
T-Pain: No comment.
(Pause)
T-Pain: In fact J-O-C just came in. We've got things to do.

(In the background I can hear T-Pain exclaim: "You on time for once!?! You bring that camera? Cool get things ready! Cuz we only got like half an hour!")

JW: That's alright. Appreciate the time T-Pain. Keep it 100. Anything you'd like to leave the fans?
T-Pain: Nah, I keep 110. I'm just too real. But keep supporting T-Pain. Much love and respect for Jason and all of AllHip Hop.com. Scream Tour '07 coming to a city near you... go out and have a good time and catch a glimpse of ya Rude Dude!