Thursday, April 03, 2008

What To Do?

Now I been through this before. And then I realize: shit, I'll be at these roads again. What to do? I've already done had this on repeat since I've heard it a while back. I stumbled on Mally's seven and a half minute dumb out session the other day. The questions came streaming.

Am I doing what I really want to do? What the fuck am I really doing, I mean, do I understand what I'm getting myself into? For the past few years I've been wading in the fallout of excitement of college. Luckily I found my major after a year but it's taken 2 plus years to get into this damn nursing program--yeah, I'll be a male RN soon, so snicker with the jokes, I've heard 'em all! Well, since I've started the program this semester, I've questioned my passion for the job. Even though I'm only a quarter through it, it's work; my feet hurt; and there's some gross ass shit. I'm not at all thinking about quiting. There's plenty to keep me interested and hell, I still enjoy it. It's just that I have this feeling like I'm going to be trapped by it. Like once I get through and start working, I'll be there forever. And that's scaring me. There's some shit I really want to do but took a step back because, well, I need money too! I don't want to be another starving artist, depending on others for crumbs and having my visions never being realized. I didn't want to forced to work for FOX news or writing for a failing paper that has to be filled with Paxil/Viagra adds to be kept afloat, after copping a journalism degree. And I won't even get into questioning my family/ sex life for y'all like Mally was willing to do. I'm doing something constructive yet at the same time I feel lost with my life too.

The track just gets me thinking, questioning myself. It's beautiful. It provides a platform of expression, allowing pent up shit to be thrown out there. I swear I get lost in its length and it ends and I quickly hit repeat. Because Mally was willing to put his business out there to strangers ("I don't know you!"), it makes me willing to get my angst/problems out. Call it a stress reliever.

Mally - What To Do

from Mally's The Letter

Mally's MySpace


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