Drum Roll Please…! Mr. Spike Lee

Welcome our newest contestant, the one and only, Spike Lee. Mr. Lee come on down. [Award music plays].
“It is my joy to tell you how proud I am to be your newest member. It is truly an honor. Throughout my life I’ve received numerous awards and accolades for being one of the more famous trail blazing black entertainers, or rather creators of film. [Mr. Lee adjusts his cap and pushes the newest “designer” glass frames further up his ramp like nose]. Speechless. That’s one word that describes my feelings. The Church of Scientology plaque will hang above my head like a security camera for the rest of my life. [Awkward laughs]. That was a joke. It will remind of far I’ve come. Bringing 40 acres and Mule, my production company, all this way into American mainstream culture is a great feat. And to continue to tout my goals is only the dream I’m living. Unbeknownst to you all, the Church of Scientology has dragged me through thick and thin, through the most racist Southern towns and through the worst ghettos in urban America. They’ve literally stood by me in these trying times. I’m so enamored with this graceful entrance into this glamorous Scientology society that I even proposed L. Ron that I’d do a piece on the church. He persuaded me to spend my diligence on other efforts such as the lives of black republicans. While that’s enticing, the Church of Scientology would be an interesting piece to study. My conscious is telling me that I should “Do the Right Thing”. But as I am speaking, I remembered I am member of the church and should stray away from the Spike Lee I’ve known forever on this one. One last thing to keep in mind is that for myself and the movement of furthering the black regression that is currently been happening for 300 years here in the U.S., the Church of Scientology is where it’s at. So my black people: flock!
[Overheard by puzzled Scientologists Cruise and Travolta] Travolta whispered, “Psst. Yo, Cruise, whadis Lee in foor.” Cruise retorted, “That 40 acres and a Mule shit – it’s all a lie. He’s been lying for ages. We got the scoop and nabbed him, as rumor has it, he was given hundreds of acres in Alabama years ago by the government to shut up. But he wont shut up! Oh yeah he’s got three pretty productive mules. Further, they obliged his request and gave him a few dozen white slaves. Heard they can pick cotton too!”