Jesus Is Coming!

Jesus Is Coming
Jesus is coming! Sound the alarm. Ray, get the kids ready! Mommy the hamburger helper is burning, the hamburger helper is burning! Oh, Becky, for crying out loud, Jesus is coming. Turn it off! Beds made kids? Ray? Ray, the pillow cases are inside out. Who let hammer out. Hammer, Hammer, get off that poodle. Hammer! Stop humping that JoAnn’s Little Miss Daisy! Get over right now. Sit. Stay. Oh, hello JoAnn. I’m having a wonderful day, how about your self? Oh, that’s fantastic. What is all that clamor? Oh, didn’t you hear? Jesus is coming, one night only. Who’s opening, Rachel? Judas Priest of course! Duh! Jimmy where’s your tie? But mom! Jimmy? Mom, it’s not Sunday and I only where my tie on Sundays. Do I have to put it on myself. Here mom, that size four you wanted when Jesus was coming. Oh, Becky, how dare you honey. Mommy was just offering that as a suggestion. Yeah mom put it on. Jimmy! But mom, Jesus is coming. Alright Becky, for Jesus. Ray, comb your hair. And finish those brussel sprouts or you wont get to see Jesus. Fine then, I don’t need to see Jesus, yet. I mean I got to see the Bears play this Sunday. Ray, remember you have a bet on that too. You better be grateful Jesus is coming earlier than expected or else. Or else what! Okay, everybody outside in the Odyssey. Mom, I’m hungry. Becky we’ll get food after Jesus comes. Trust me, we’ll be well fed. But Rach, honey I am hungry too. We have to be at Augustine’s at midnight sharp. If we aren’t there, there’s no deal. No heaven, no ascending into God’s tree of gifted Earthlings. There’ll be no all day spas, no redemptions – Ray shush on that idkay hattay eway adhay utbay idn’tday adhay – yeah Jesus will forgive. Plus I’m sure Jesus and the saints will be offering cold cuts and casseroles. Mommy why’s JoAnn not coming? Oh, honey JoAnn’s not welcome. She’s with them. Them? The devil! Why? Becky, it’s simple, she doesn’t go to church socials. Plus she doesn’t vote Republican. But honey, Jesus was a registered Democrat. That’s a theocrat, Ray! Can’t you remember anything! Theocrat, good. Non-believers, bad. Is Noah going be there Mom? No he’s Jewish. Is Britney Spears going to be there? Well, if she is, she better be ready for a rude awakening. Oooh, we’re hear. You ran the red light, Rach?! Oh, the hell with you Ray, you stiff ass! Huh! Huh! Huh! What’d mommy say? Ear muffs! Ear Muffs! GOD damnit Ray! Shut your pie hole. Haul the kids over there and get their name tags on them! Well, Ray, children are y’all coming? We don’t know. I don’t know anymore, Rach. I mean after that stunt back there, I just don’t know. To hell with you Ray! What are you good for anyways! You can’t even the kitchen right these days! The hell with y’as all. [Rachel went on into the church that night without her family in tow. She came out and nothing had happened. One thing occurred though. She didn’t imbibe alerted, potion infused liquids nor did she receive or take crazy pills, but her vibe was off kilter. From then on, Jesus came every night for Rachel and for others on Sundays and for others when they felt they were in need. Jesus came alright, and not for fuck’s sake. The loving Jesus replaced their superiority complex and dignity. After all of life’s roadblocks, Jesus rode his white unicorn (the modern day equivalent of a rusted out Buick Regal) through the gates of Heaven and descended upon the feeble creatures that relied on Him for their moral remedies.]