Waiting for those HIV/AIDS test results?

I’ve got some great options for while you nervously sweat. If you aren’t feeling lucky (that is, if you’re African or gay) you can make death wishes. Plan out what friends/siblings get what personal items of yours. You can even devise a draft or a garage sale to get rid of your life because you wont be needing it in a matter of time. Now I know, why so glum to kick the waiting off? My best advice has always been: be realistic. And so, if you actually go and get tested that may mean you posses the character that picks these sorts of diseases up; you deserve what’s coming to you. There’s a matter of responsibility when you’re pussyfooting with HIV/AIDS. HIV/AIDS doesn’t play nice. You can cross your fingers and repeat "third times a charm." Get back at a former lover by sticking them with your newly acquired disease. Another popular option for persons in the waiting room is that you can think of how to celebrate: listen to Phil Collins’ "One More Night" and frolic the bar scene and scathe what miscreant filth you can lay your paws on that can bring you back here tomorrow, biting your nails in an almost near anxious meltdown. You can check AIDS off the holiday season "To Give" chart. Now your friends, family and random hook-ups will at least, this season, be unable to get HIV/AIDS. Weep that you cannot give blood anymore and that you will have to find that chocolate chip cookie elsewhere. Think about the placement of your new Greg Luganis swimming poster. You can buy one of those Gap "RED" merchandise and parade around today and say "Hey, look it me. I care about AIDS". Start that crappy restaurant that you’ve dreamt of opening which will soon get one and a half stars by some budding teenage journalist from the community newspaper; it will kill your emotional state and be a catalyst in your ever speedy death. You can try not to cry and instead put a happy face on because whatever doesn’t kill you, er, yet that is, makes you stronger. Try chemo – oh, what, that wont help. Got a hit list? Buy a gun and say your last words. Or fight to live (this one’s for all you inspirational people out there).
Now some might be so inclined to want to fight back against HIV/AIDS. You can protest major drug companies and threaten to kill them if they don’t lower drug prices (customer preferred because you’re going to die anyways so go out with a bang). Devise a committee to quarantine Africa to stop the spread of HIV/AIDS. Create a bounty hunting service for these rabid creatures. Take a known HIV/AIDS out on a date, tango with it, let the mood settle and feel right and then at that the particular crescendo of great atmospheric wind, slit its throat when you say you still like it, even though it has HIV/AIDS. Help create a HIV/AIDS anti fund raising drive that resembles a regular drive but differs in that it raises money in order to kill off those who have the disease. Place HIV/AIDS victims inside a ring and take out your frustration by beating the living HIV/AIDS of them. Legislate so those afflicted with HIV/AIDS have to wear t-shirts saying "No Touch". All in all I hope when your name gets called you know what to do because I’ve just given boats full of ideas to contemplate. So rest assured, oh worried one, that when the nurse says positive – you wont act surprised – or negative – you wont jump in the air and dance "Whoop There It Is".