NFL Draft Text Messaging Transcripts

Al Davis: Are you going to pull a Daunte Culpepper on me? Because I’m 87 and would love to be on a sex boat.
JaMarcus Russell: For real! Shit, if you pick me first with that 26.5 mil guarantee, I show you some fun old man.

Matt Millen: Damn, you’re a wide out, right?
Calvin Johnson: Yeah.
Millen: Crap. Oh, well. I’ve taken 18 receivers so far and haven’t been fired. There’ll be no one to throw you the ball but I’ve heard you’re just great so you should be able to catch balls that aren’t even thrown towards you.
Johnson: I’m good but I’m no David Blaine.
Millen: Can I take David Blaine?

Arizona Cardinals: Are you black?
Joe Thomas: No.
Cardinals: Good, so 8 months from now I will not have to speak to the media about your weapon possession of an AK-47 in your trunk. By the way, what position do you play?
Thomas: Tackle.
Cardinals: Damnit, what an unglamorous position. And here Denny tanked it for this!?!

Al Davis: Hey, you can play football right?
Greg Oden: Huh?
Davis: I want to pick you for our number 1.
Oden: No.
Davis: C’mon?

Miami Dolphins: You can run?
Ted Ginn Jr.: Yup.
Dolphins: From scrimmage.
Ginn Jr.: Yup.
Dolphins: Cops?
Ginn Jr.: Nooooooooooo.
Dolphins: Pitbulls?
Ginn Jr.: Culo, ah, culo! Hell yeah, I can run from anything, anyone!
Dolphins: White women.
Ginn Jr.: Damn, you got me!

Cincinnati Bengals sent this message to all the potential draftees: Will you promise us you won’t get arrested?
6 people out of more than 400 replied. The Bengals are leaning on picking all of them even though the draftees who responded aren’t even projected to be drafted.

St. Louis Rams: Will you refuse to play for the Raiders or Lions. And cry and pout? Say you want to be traded to St. Louis.
Calvin Johnson: You must be crazy!
Rams: We’ll give you an Escalade.
Johnson: With rims?
Rams: 32s or better.

Minnesota Vikings: You’re going to get injured right?
Adrian Peterson: Being honest, yeah.
Vikings: May we ask how? A preseason game?
Peterson: Cold.
Vikings: Jet Skiing? Cart wheeling?
Peterson: Cold—I can’t swim! Warmer.
Vikings: Playing Madden and losing and throwing the controller thereby blowing your rotator cuff.
Peterson: Ding, ding, ding!

Cleveland Browns: Curse all that was Tim Couch! You aren’t related to him are you?
Brady Quinn: No, c’mon. I look way better.
Browns: Yeah, we know. We’ve had your picture taped up on our draft room board here for three weeks. All of coaches have been writing love notes in hopes you can walk through our doors one day, oh beautiful Brady.
Brady:
Browns: Um, want to go to the Spiderman 3 next weekend? It’d be our first date.

Al Davis: You play football right?
Kevin Durant: Hey, girl we on for tonight. Trust me I put on some weight so when we go out and you look at me I won’t be 2 dimensional.
Davis: What? You play football?
Durant: Ooops, wrong person. I can play football.
Davis: You serious?
Durant: Syke!

Houston Texans: Can we still draft you?
Reggie Bush:

Jon Gruden: Hey, how do you say in African, “Kill Him”?
Amobi Okoye: I don’t know. I don’t speak African. I’m from here.
Gruden: Oh? Well, can you still kill someone?
Okoye: On the field yeah. I can sack QBs like it’s nothing.
Gruden: No, I mean can you actually kill them? Like when we face the Cowboys can you sack Tony Romo so hard he lies there motionless?