I Got VD! Do You?

I got VD years ago and have never been prouder. Some claim it’s a vicious disease, but I counter the opposite: it only spurs and heightens those supposed areas that are afflicted. It is Maleness. It is machismo to be afflicted with VD. Once VD grasps its blood sucking claws around you, you feel invigorated. VD will not hold me down! The first thing you want to do is to go out and get martial arts lessons and KICK ASS!
I want those with VD to go to the streets and yell, “I’ve got VD and I’m going to give it to you!” VD should be experienced by everyone. We need to end the VDless persons around the world. It’s hard to get women VD unless their butches or tomboys. The rest seem to be immune. Men with “dignity”, “class” and “intelligence” seem not care for VD. Losers! You are really missing out.
How, you ask, does one contract VD? And how do I not get treatment and keep this? Well, that’s easy. The commitment is harder.
Watch all of the following Jean Claude Van Damme movies and repeat as often as possible: Bloodsport, Kickboxer, Hard Target, Desert Heat, the Order, Cyborg, Legionnaire, Universal Soldier, Sudden Death, Nowhere to Run, In Hell, Double Impact, Derailed and Lionheart. Don’t miss these either, as they’ll give the weaker strength version of VD: Time Cop, Street Fighter, Death Warrant, Univ 2, Second in Command, Knock Off, Wake of Death, Quest, Double Team, Max Risk and Replicant. But it just doesn’t happen like magic. While watching the movies daily, you have to emulate your love, VD: kick the air as you defend your love interest against the imaginary bad guys, practice raunchy/corny dialogue to your family and friends and wear out dated, cheap clothing in public (start with cutoff shirts and an all denim get up). Work on your gluets and display when ready (only in cowboy boots). Take up karate, ballet and body building. Throw salt in your eyes. Find and KILL BOLO YOUNG. Chant USA, USA, USA every waking breath. Fuck women 15 years your junior at Spring Break locales. Learn trashy French. Aspire to be a quarter Jewish. Check yourself for bi-polar and if you don’t have it pretend like you have it. You’ve got to go and get Shirley locks or grease your hair into a dirty Belgian mullet looking thing that constitutes a do, like him. You have to beat defenseless people down with multiple roundhouses to the chest and face. Then you have to sign your name in the VD guestbook only at the Muscles in Brussels museum dedicated to spreading knowledge of VD.
There you go: a VD tutorial. I hope I’ve helped you. Living with VD is one of the great joys of my life. I wish you the best and hope VD propels your life as much as it has mine.