Study finds Minnesota Vikings Fans Less than Below Average

A recent study conducted by the NFL director of marketing office in cooperation with the VP of the Vikings surveyed fans Sunday at the Metrodome in Minneapolis when the Vikings took on the St. Louis Rams.
Dean Johnson, a staff of the NFL noted, “Damn, it’s kind of cold here! How the heck are these fans still coming? I’ve seen them tailgating since 6 this morning. They’re bundled up in parkas, boots, huge gloves, multiple coats and a Norse hat with horns. But the funny thing is, is that all of it is Vikings apparel. I mean how the heck does a sane person own only sports apparel? Don’t they have any dignity!?”

Vikings VP Charles Gordon kept mum, stating, “Look our fans are loyal. They may not know how to dress but hey, it’s a sporting event; they bleed purple.”

Dean Johnson interrupts, “Yeah, does bleeding purple mean you wear your 6 year old John Randle torn and beaten jersey to the game? Or does it mean that you cross out your # 7 Randall Cunningham jersey and write Jackson [Tavaris Jackson]? Goddamn Chuck, I haven’t seen a decent looking fan yet – not even the women look good! Every male is overweight and is shit faced with their teenage boy in tow. Why all the damn camo? This isn’t a hunting event. Furthermore, why the artic camo? All the men’s jeans are falling by the waist side because their rotund belly droops. Everyone looks 10 years older than they actually are. They even get to drink alcohol freely in the streets without being harassed by police. They even get to drunk talk to the police, massaging semi-automatics I must add, without being told “Calm down!” What terrorist would waste their martyrdom for these hicks! All the women look like overran barflies. They’ve got leaking silicon tit jobs, wearing leopard print, have hair that is partially burnt and more makeup than Marilyn Manson. They spend their hard earned cash for this – a losing team! Pure trash I tell you.”
Chuck interjected, “Hey, now! Vikings fans take showers.” Suddenly an inebriated, yet jovial fan moseys on by, “ Hey, Vikings rule! Yeah, Yeah ,Yeah. Who are you!” Chuck walks away.

Johnson ended, “These fans are despicable trash. And I hear they’re all from the suburbs. They come here and trash, literally and figuratively, up Minneapolis. While most of the people I see are white males, there’s no overlooking the fact that I have seen all kinds of trash today: white and black. Not too many others here, except if you count the Somalis and Hispanics who man the concession stands and bathroom stalls and clean up this trash. And another thing this is a Vikings game, so why do I see Johan Santana and Joe Mauer jerseys?”