Bono & Il Square off in Pyongyang

After hearing for the first time that North Korea had an issue with food shortage, Bono of U2, decided to put on a “Food For Kim’s people” benefit concert. Let it be known that the title, “Food for Change” was changed by Kim Jong-Il’s spin doctors as they claim Bono was excited to visit Pyongyang and throw a pot luck bash for social awareness. Unbeknownst to North Koreans other than Il and his party, the celebration is now for their newfound nuclear capabilities in defending against evil.
Bono started off on a bang, “North Korea, are you ready? Are you ready to rock? Let me hear you say ‘Rock’n’Roll’! Lift your hands and scream! I’m waiting people. I know you’re hungry, but Bono doesn’t come around on a whim nor do I throw benefit concerts for some degenerate laze balls. Do I have to get the guards and their guns? Sun-Lee! More on the amp! Are you ready to rock? Just reach your hands up toward the sky, as if you’d reach for a turkey leg. I still, I still, and I still haven’t found what I’m looking for!” Bono fittingly ended the show with poignant message in his last song, “Mr. Kim Jong-Il, Mr. Jong-Il, with or without you. Mr. Il, Mr. Il, peace, with or without you, oh yeah. We’ll invade, with our peace, strapped on the side of bombs, with or without you!”
Afterwards Bono was grateful for learning that he has just fed his new fans, “I can’t say enough for the bash. We made change, again. Il gave me 15 cents and we made a dollar out of it. I mean we’re pretty resourceful in extreme measures.” When asked about rumors of U2 being sent to a gulag because of a poor performance, “Oh, yeah I heard about Il’s distaste for us. I just think he does that sort of stuff on purpose, you know, like a rebel without a cause. His whole demeanor and presence that night was animated and lively. He was even singing “Beautiful Day” verbatim. On the gulag part, well, I’d a just dig a whole in the back of the gulag and be in China, you see.” [Only Bono laughed] Bono continued, “What we need to do more of is what U2, remarkably may I add, just did. Break down barriers and speak to one another. For example, how does a couple exist if they do not talk and are less than amicable? What Bono demonstrated was that regardless of your qualms, you can still talk to the dark side. And hey, I even traded my sun shades, [whispers] they cost me about $3,300 peace dollars, to Il for his reassurance that he would end hunger in North Korea, disarm and sell U2 merchandise. I’d be lying if I’d say he nodded in reassurance towards the first two. Yet I have a feeling that if he’d sell U2 merchandise, I’d use the proceeds to send aid there. And by aid I mean missiles.”