Kobe Blames Yoga

Kobe Bryant was suspended last week for the second time in a month for hitting another player in the face with a flying elbow. This time he hit T-Wolves guard Marco Jaric and previously hit Spurs guard Manu Ganobli. He was suspended 1 game without pay as league official determined that it was a non-basketball move. Both players insisted Bryant was not intentional with his flailing arms even though they were severely cold cocked in the head. Lakers coach, Phil Jackson said that while the suspensions were seemingly fair, fair from the league rules, Bryant does that often. “Jaric and Manu just got in the way, plain and simple”. The replays do show that while in mid-air Bryant was contacted and reacted by accidentally sucker punching both players with his elbow. When asked about his flying elbows Bryant reacted, “I’m not dirty. Well, I fucked a girl in the ass but I’m not this type of dirty. It’s like I do that elbow thing all the time in games and when I sense a touch, I extend my arms, it’s just that natural. For Stew Jackson [NBA fine giver] to tell me to stop, it’s kind of hard because what I do is an instinct. To tell you the truth, this off-season because of the all the stress I’ve had, with my beautiful wife Vanessa, the Nickelodeon Awards, auditioning for RC Cola, I needed to relieve it. So I signed up for yoga classes. They really help. My instructor Sherry gave me this technique to throw my arms out as a defense mechanism. Whenever I am touched I whap somebody; it releases my emotions. I don’t intend to hit anyone but me slapping someone in the face is a reoccurring theme. Is it worth 160k because of suspension? No. I think the league and preferably Stew Jackson need some yoga lessons. Release some of that energy they have instead of wasting it on fining me. Sherry told me extending your arms as a defense mechanism connotes great warrior ship in battle. By hitting people I am telling them: get near me while I shoot and I’ll smack the shit out of you!”